Why I’ve been A.W.O.L.

As you may have noticed over the past month I haven’t really posted despite having signed up to do #BEDN. I didn’t want to just come back and post as if I had never been away and to be honest that wasn’t really an option anyway. I knew I needed to do this post and yet, I didn’t want to do it, so my absence was prolonged.

Basically, one month ago today, on 3rd November 2013 my family got a call that no family wants to receive. My beautiful 35 year old cousin had been found dead having taken his own life. You frequently hear people say if a child dies or a baby is stillborn that they are “not for this world”. I firmly believe that Neil was one of these people. He just happened to make it into adulthood despite this world but it inevitably became too much for him.

Neil was always a very gentle soul and this world was just too tough for him. He hated the hurt that people perpetrate on each other. He just couldn’t get his head around it as he would never have hurt anyone intentionally and if he did someone a wrong it would play on his mind until he could put things right. He had a great smile and an infectious laugh. One which almost got me in trouble at our grandfathers funeral when he found the whole thing a bit bizarre and got a fit of the giggles. Cue both of us bursting out laughing and people thinking we (more appropriately) were overcome with emotion and trying to comfort us.

“Just another lemon tree”

I spent a lot of my time in Australia in summer 2001 with Neil and this photo holds very precious memories for me. It was my first time to see a real orange or lemon tree and I insisted that he stop to let me out to get a photo. He ended up slagging me every time we saw one after that – which was about every 20 yards!

So that is what has been going on for me. I just couldn’t bring myself to blog about frivolous things over the last while and I am still trying to get my head around everything so blogging may continue to be a little sporadic over the next while. I hope ye can understand. If you do have any requests for posts please let me know though as I could do with some inspiration to get me back on track!

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24 Responses to Why I’ve been A.W.O.L.

  1. Thinking of you and your family

  2. Lilliwhiterose says:

    You captured the heart and soul of Neil in your writing that I felt that I got a glimpse of who he was. I am so sorry for your loss and thinking of you and your family xxx

  3. Will keep you & your family in my thoughts. I’ve lost two cousins to suicide & it’s tough – You’re right to take the time you need away xx

  4. Steff says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss… I lost one of my best friends to suicide over 6 years ago and I miss him every single day. Time is a great healer but you never forget that special person. Thank you for letting us know, take all the time you need to be with your family and please don’t put yourself under pressure to blog: we understand 🙂 Some things are just more important. Take care xxx

  5. hazyindublin says:

    Aw, I’m sorry to hear this, thinking of you xx

  6. Very sorry to hear of your loss hun hope you’re ok, he sounded like he was a great guy and I hope he’s at peace now

  7. Shygirl says:

    Sorry for your loss.

  8. Kara says:

    I’m so sorry to hear your sad news x

  9. Yaz says:

    I posted a reply here when you put this up, don’t know where it’s gone? But I was saying take your time we will all be here waiting for you when you feel ready to blog again xx

  10. I’m so so sorry for your loss. The world weighs very heavily on some people, unfortunately I’m one of those people too. You have to protect yourself from the pain and suffering out there lest it drag you down. I can’t watch the news, read the papers or follow animal rescues anymore because I just can’t deal. Some people are emotional sponges, and though its controversial to say it, death can be a release from the hurt. Now, I also believe that with the right help these people can learn coping mechanisms and become stronger and more able to deal with the world. Unfortunately the psychological help people need is very hard to come by in this country unless you have plenty of money.

    I hope you and your family are coping ok. I hope they are strong enough to seek help if they need it, regardless of the stigma. I hope you can have a nice Christmas, Neil would have wanted you to hun.

    I’m here if you ever need to talk xxx

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